18 FOOD/DIARY/CHEESE

Cheese is the Devil’s work. It is essentially mammalian secretion and bacteria poo. No one in their right mind would consider eating this, but it remains fiendishly delicious and so people do. All lactations have at one time been made into cheese, including human breast milk, which is very popular with the Royal Family. The most common cheese is The Cheddar; the most rare is Chicken Cheese. Contrary to popular belief chickens have nipples. These are incredibly small and difficult to find, and even harder to milk. Chickens have wings and beaks and they hurt. In Roman times a slave could buy his freedom with an ounce of Chicken Cheese, and many died trying. Surprisingly Chicken Cheese does not taste like chicken.