22 LIFE/STAGES/MID LIFE CRISIS

The male of the species practices for the mid-life crisis from the day he is born. The fascination for fast cars, women out of his league, appalling dance moves, terrible fashion sense and the disproportionate belief in his own abilities have always been there. It just takes on average 40 years to hone these ‘skills’, and then apply them to ludicrous effect. Women are far more sensible and their crisis is over and done with in 35 minutes with a gentle bit of sobbing and a lot of chocolate.
The earliest male mid life crisis reported was that of George Masters, Nuneaton and Bedworth, England. George was 8 years old when his arrived. He pimped his Chopper bicycle, grew his hair like Peter Stringfellow (no mean feat to get that dried, over treated, preposterous weave look) and invented dance moves that to this day encourage quadriplegics to give walking a go. Fortunately for George, puberty arrived 7 years later and the more healthy pursuits of teenage depression, paranoia, angst, and the Freeman’s catalogue underwear section took hold. George is now a well-adjusted 45-year-old member of society that enjoys freemasonry and golf.