Ever since Salman Rushdie was sentenced to death by Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomenei in 1989 his career has gone from strength to strength. Far from pushing up the daisies, the sale of his mediocre book bloomed. He now has a super model girl friend, attends swish parties, mixes in the right circles and is a regular feature of Hello magazine. Consequently, celebrities have eschewed the stalker and adopted the Fatwa as the glamorous accessory of choice.
It is extremely easy to get the Islamic Fatwa, just draw attention to some of their beliefs. Soon the Christianity Fatwa will be as commonplace thanks to the handling of Geopolitics by George W. Bush.
The most prestigious and valuable Fatwa will be the Buddhist. Very peaceable people, how exactly do you upset them? According to Morrissey on ‘Stop Me If You Think You’ve Heard This One Before’, it is by getting them to smash their gonads into a bicycle crossbar. But he is wrong. He didn’t think it through.
Sprinkle Super Strength Regaine hair loss treatment on their bald pates. The constant itchiness of fast growing hair and the annoyance of having to shave every half hour will interfere with their meditation. Soon whole monasteries of incensed monks with scarred bleeding scalps will be making Osama and the boys look like a Barry Manilow tribute band. The Four Noble truths will be become two: suffering and the cause of suffering. The term Dalai Lama will be changed to Dalai Camel, altogether a more belligerent animal. Buddhist teachings will still focus on ‘detachment’, but with an emphasis of limbs.
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