Thursday 30 April 2009

94 Employment/Jobs/Marketing

Unknown to Peter Fisher and Susan Shostakovich (see 65 Skills/Linguistic/Bartering), they had met before in 1975. At a student party they had a fornicacious fumble. The result of that union was Susan’s pride and joy Dylan. Due to his parent’s superior linguistic genes, Dylan grew up to be a genius marketer.
In 2004 at the age of 28, Dylan persuaded Sky TV to commission the impossible, a television program detailing the history of the Universe in real time. For the first several billion years the viewer will see just a blank screen and hear no sound. He sold it on the premise that in today’s frenetic world this will be soothing and extremely cheap to make. In case for some reason the subscriber misses the program he can also catch it over on ‘The History Of The Universe In Real Time +1Hour’ channel.
In a stroke of brilliance he also sold them the rights to ‘The History Of The Universe In Real Time’ series one through six. All series have a similar theme but as they are in fact detailing parallel Universes the screen displays a very slightly different black – something for the intelligent viewer to pick up on and feel rewarded by. Series 1 through 5 all approach the Big Bang in the same way, after a couple of billion years the screen will glow incandescent and a huge sonic blast will render the viewers profoundly deaf. Initially the advertisers wouldn’t go for this interpretation, but Dyl got Bose on board to give out free noise cancelling headphones with every subscription – every good TV program needs a gimmick.
Realising that after 12 billion years of the same treatment of the Big Bang the program might become a little predictable, Dylan persuaded Keiffer Sutherland to film a special middle for series 6. Instead of the usual gravitational singularity and expansion, a Russian terrorist with a nuclear bomb and Jack Bauer simultaneously spring into existence. Jack then has 24hrs to get the Universe to behave properly.

No comments: