Saturday 11 July 2009

116 Humans/Inflictions/Ability through Disability

Deaf people have a very valuable skill in lip reading. They get to 'hear' all the good swear words that are 'beeped' out of You've Been Framed. Similarly lip people can deaf read; mutes can read ears to find out what is going on. This is a very specialist skill as most mutes can hear, and deaf mutes can lip read anyway.
These skills are usually developed through cruel necessity. However, Smudge Deaf people have a very valuable skill in lip reading. They Maxwelton, a spy for MI6, developed them out of boredom. Smudge was a preternaturally gifted individual. Double first from Oxford and Cambridge in 17 subjects (per University), holder of running, jumping, throwing, shooting, swimming and snuggling World records, Grandmaster martial artist of all 1023 known styles and 2541 unknown ones, Grandmaster chess player, Grandmaster Soduku, Grandmaster Reiki and Grandmaster Flash (he DJs at weekends). Eventually, Smudge ran out of things to learn and turned his attention to ear reading.
He quickly became a Grandmaster Ear Reader and it became his obsession, discovering new principles, techniques and minutiae he took the art to new levels of understanding. One of the effects he discovered was ‘Sensory Interference from Earlobe Micro Waggle’. Whilst spying on arch nemesis Otto Von Lucifer from the obligatory position of apparent safety, he failed to notice Otto shout ‘Get that Cnut!’ point to his hiding place and the dozen armed-guards descend upon him. This was due to Otto's earlobes vibrating at very high frequency interfering with his normal sight and hearing senses. Smudge was caught and quickly dispatched, Otto being efficiently ruthless and not giving the spy the usual sporting chance to escape. This is cited as the best example of disability through ability.

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