Tuesday 20 July 2010

128 Seaside Entertainment/Violence/Punch and Judy

Unsurprisingly created by an Italian, the Punch and Judy puppet show has been entertaining generations of would-be psychotics and wife beaters for centuries. Seen by most of Yorkshire as a government advice programme, the show is performed by a single puppeteer known as The Professor. What is less known is that the professor must perform this show while simultaneously torturing small mammals, reading the Codex Gigas backwards and furiously masturbating every time the crocodile appears. As 21 year old serial rapist Bernard Manson of Ripley, Derbyshire explained in his memoirs ‘That’s the way to do it (Bitch)’ in 2004 ‘I wouldn’t be nuffink if it weren’t for punch. He made me know that even someone like me can have success. I could be working in HMV now with keys angin’ round me arse like a queer. Thanks punch. Fuckin straight.’. A less controversial version of Punch and Judy was created by Guardian columnist and post modern feminist Alison Bore in 2006 called ‘Gerard and Angela’ and plotted the main characters Kentish Town based garden dinner party. The storyline showed the unmarried couple talking about trips to South America and modern folk music with a succession of sub-characters such as Brian and Marcio a gay couple from number 4, a dried up middle aged lady from across the road and a token black called Percy who is dead clever. Gerard and Angela ran for a number of weeks before being closed down after parents complained that their children had suddenly started showing interest in advertising, making constant music comparisons to Fleet Foxes and Joanna Newsom and impatiently tapping their laminated school bus pass on the glass coffee table around 8pm each evening after dinner.

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