3 PASTIMES/MUSIC/MUSIC GENRES

Claude Debussey said that 'Music is the space between the notes'. Nearly right, good try for a Frenchman. Music is actually the space between the notes and the notes themselves.
Music genre is the space between the ears of the musicians:
Industrial Metal : Heroin-fuelled looped-metal lunacy with 2 drummers, 7 guitarists, 3 bassists, 5 keyboardists and a bloke with a drill.
Emo : Promising intro, slow bit, fast bit, slow bit, fast bit, half time middle 8, lots of pissed off teenagers whining about ex-girlfriends, slow bit, really fast bit, fade.
Electronica : Baffling synthesised nonsense played by one slightly menacing french chap in a tank-top shamelessly rhyming 'Verona' with Barcelona.
Thrash : Psychotic 9-string bassists screaming 'war' over 600bpm drums with no thought to melody or listen ability - normally contains a couple of crouching singers. Popular with middle class 12 year olds.
Shred : Narcissistic rubbish.
Classic Rock : Lazy genre group for anything with a guitar in it made between 1970 and 1985.
Alternative : Lazy genre group for anything with a guitar in it made after 1985
World : The bit you fast forward on Jools Holland to get to Supergrass.
Ambient : Blackpool sea-life centre inspired chill out music for 6am Mancunian house club casualties.
Jazz : It's not out of time, you just don't understand it.
R&B : 'Sexy' music for tone-deaf chavs - and not chuck berry anymore. Has 8000 dedicated channels on sky
Nu-Metal : Shouty fat blokes spoiling otherwise good songs.
Lo-Fi : Short dysfunctional Glaswegians armed with e-bows and distortion pedals creating 3 hours of white noise using 'retro' analogue equipment i.e. a tape 4 track borrowed from their sister. (see also post-rock replacing 'short' with 'bearded')

2 COMMERCE/SHOPS/COFFEE SHOPS

Coffee shops are places that charge large sums of money for small amounts of foam. Especially popular among students, young urban professionals and the gullible. The coffee servers, or Bastardistas, are trained to confound and confuse. It is impossible to order a beverage without being asked a question. Example:
'I'd like a large, latte-mocha-choca, double decaf, decaf, caf with extra shot and sprinkles, please.'
'Is that goat's or yak's milk, sir?'
Don't even try to get it right. You cannot. It is impossible. Forget it. Move on.
Pain in this world is inevitable, but suffering is optional. Just leave it. Let it go. And don't be tempted to ask for tea.

1 TRANSPORT/PUBLIC TRANSPORT/BUSES

If you require a more social journey to your destination, you can take a bus. A bus is a large diesel transporter containing a various number of seats depending on the specific design. Local children are employed by the bus companies to make your journey more entertaining with hilarious head-slapping antics and distributing a diverse assortment of fragrances from cheap poppers through to belch air. Beware though that under British Transport law, the employee responsible for moving the bus around (the 'bus driver'), is forced to follow a variant of the regular road users set of laws called the 'highway c*nt' and are, among many other rules, forced to park in yellow boxes, only stop to pick passengers up nine out of ten times, and attempt to fling the more elderly passengers down the middle of the bus once they have boarded (called 'old fagot tossing').