Aliens are very difficult to abduct, but it can be done. They are more cunning and clever than the average human, so it takes special skills to hunt and steal them. 83-year-old Ethel Fluent is the most successful and only Alien Abductor (AA). Tired of continually being the subject of abductions during the mid 1950’s, Ethel decided to turn the tables and get even with her extraterrestrial tormentors. Her collection quickly grew and she now has well over 2 thousand specimens. She keeps them in an abandoned zoo in the town of Twatt, Orkney.
Ethel reasoned that as Aliens are an advanced race and have never been exposed to religious doctrine, they would have a very low tolerance to its effects. She then postulated that if she Christened them all Roger in an elaborate Catholic ceremony a type of Stockholm syndrome would be triggered in the alien psyche, and they would instantly become loyal and loving to her. She was right.
Ethel loves the attention and adulation, but doesn’t realise that due to the advanced alien technology and their fanatical devotion to her, the Army of Rogers she has in her possession is the most powerful fighting force in the universe.
Recently the Council of Twatt has angered Ethel with the introduction of an overly complicated household waste recycling scheme. The Roger Army sense her frustration and are mobilising. Galactic battlefield mathematicians have calculated with a 98.9% probability that a hosepipe ban in Orkney this summer would decimate Ethel’s patio plants and thus precipitate a bloodless coup of the Universe.
Ethel Fluent would be Queen of Everything.
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