87 Entertainment/Cruelty/Pantomime

‘He’s behind you!’ shout the simple kids.
‘Why are you shouting? It is clear that the man is acting. He knows the whereabouts of the other man. He toys with you’ shout the clever kids.
‘Why do I fancy Peter Pan? He looks really cute in that tight fitting green outfit. Am I homosexual?’ Shouts the confused boy going through early puberty.
It was this last question that made Quentin Length pen the Butch Panto. Horrified by his strange feelings not only for Peter Pan but also for Buttons, and fearful of the retributions from his father Tarquin Length the founder of The Barnsley Supremacists if he ever suspected his son was a lifter, Quentin set about creating the most masculine Pantomime.
Named ‘Puss in Boots’, it is about a Royal Marine platoon forced to march several hundred miles in ill-fitting Wellingtons only to arrive at the Dragon’s den with chronic foot seepage. Unfortunately Quentin’s imagination wasn’t well developed and the play consisted of just 2 scenes; 1hr of a group soldiers dressed in lederhosen and rubber boots marching to the tune of ‘In the Navy’ followed by 30 minutes of taking off boots and fighting a glamorous feathered Dragon called Devine.
Also unfortunately for Quentin the play was confused as the work of Elton John, who after the success of Tommy, had written a musical similar to but not as good as ‘Puss in Boots’. The critics claimed it as an important iconic masterpiece. An allegorical work: the hour of monotonous marching symbolised the struggle to come to terms with homosexuality, the taking off of the boots represented the release felt when a homosexual was allowed his true nature, and the fighting the flamboyant Dragon was railing against the stereotypes of society.
Fortunately for Length the Panto flopped at the box office. The lack of animals, men in drag, women looking sexily boyish and double entendre were to blame.
The play is still performed at specialist gay theatres and is secretly his father Tarquin Length’s favourite work of art.