109 Attributes/Bravery/Hero

People need heroes, even heroes. Geriatric 95-year-old bare-knuckle champion Sally Shingles is the hero’s hero. The British government have been trying to decorate Sally since 1914. She has so far turned down 14 Victoria Crosses, 26 Military Crosses, and a Blue Peter Gold badge. She doesn’t think she is particularly brave. She just loves fighting. When asked what was her biggest regret of World War II, she replied ‘When it ended.’ Her favourite weapons are her hands, followed closely by her tartan shopping trolley.
In the 1950’s she got cancer and simply told it to get out. She beat Winston Churchill in a ‘Who Has Got The Most Testicles Competition’. By four.
Sally’s biggest test was capturing Osama Bin Laden. Shingles was deep undercover in Afghanistan and one of the few people who look good in a Burka, so was ideally placed to attempt the honey trap. Unfortunately, Sally got carried away and took out all of Bin Laden’s elite guard whilst experimenting with the application of the veil as a deadly weapon. Fortunately, Laden was so impressed with the shapes she was pulling, the devastating moves and lightening reflexes that he instantly fell in love and agreed to become one of her house husbands. The reason that there is mystery as to whether Bin is a live or dead is because he his in fact retired. He lives happily in Kilburn with Sally’s collection of dictators and testicles. Osama’s duties are feeding the cats and tucking Hitler in at night, reading him his bedtime story while Ms Shingles is away on missions.