Wednesday 11 March 2009

75 HUMANS/CONFLICT/DICTATORS VS. ROMANTICS

Two Gods, having a day off from being Omnipotent, got to wonder who would win a fight between the artistic and intellectual movement of 18th century Western Europe and the Dictators of the 20th century. They set the battlefield by telling the Romantics that the Dictators were just about to destroy a work of extraordinary artistic beauty and intellectual merit, and told the Dictators that there was a bunch of poofs over there calling their absolute rule and cult of personality into question.
Right from the off, Shelley committed suicide at the futility of it all. This sent the Lord Byron into a murderous rage, and he took out Robert Mugabe and Idi Amin with a copy of ‘The Triumph of Life’. He then proceeded to pen such a devastating attack on the character of Stalin, that Joseph lashed out at his nearest and dearest and had Hitler and Thatcher executed.
Bizarrely Simon Le Bon had got himself mixed up in the bloodshed. Evidently one of the Gods had got Romantics confused with New Romantics. Simon was unsure which side to take: the single ‘The Chauffer’ could stand proudly next to Blake’s Jerusalem but years of survival in the music business had taught him a thing or two about genocide. The Gods quickly realised their mistake and had him replaced by the Marquis de Sade. De Sade got busy torturing valuable strategic information out of Noriega, but Castro retaliated with a Cuban cigar smoke screen. Khomeini and Hussein upped the ante by introducing propaganda in the form of persuasive religious arguments, tying the Romantics in philosophical knots, until Rousseau got them thinking about the ‘noble savage’ and reinstated reason.
The war lasted 20 blood stained lace, leather jackboot scuffed years. Finally the only people standing were Oscar Wilde and Pol Pot. Pol was a massive fan of ‘The Picture of Dorian Gray’ and proceeded to pour praise and adulation on Oscar. Being a crafty butcher (he takes his meat around the back) Wilde slit Pot’s throat. The Gods knew all along that the pen is mightier than the sword, particularly when it has been sharpened and shaped like a dagger.

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