82 Humanity/Vanity/Plastic Surgery

Whether it is to repair the injuries of an unfortunate accident or simply to make your aging wives backside look a little less like Christopher Walken’s chin, plastic surgery is as much a part of life today as watersports or golf. You might be surprised however to learn of the rather diverse beginnings of this trade.
Edgar and Boris Sag, 18th century experts in skin graft technology and bone growth were known throughout the whole of Bavaria for their rather unprofessional but harmless practical jokes; horse burying, house painting and even wife bending were not uncommon stories to come out of the tranquil surroundings of the Alps around the festive period.
In October 1756 however, Edgar, the elder of the two brothers, took the practical jesting one step further when one night, whilst Boris slept, he surgically attached fifteen cadavers penises to his brothers back thus creating what he called ‘the worlds first cockosaurus’.
Hardly best pleased with the new addition to his upper torso, Boris spent the next three months camped at the local Jewish children’s hospital sewing together a twenty-five metre long streamer of discarded foreskin before drugging his brother one snowy January night and creating his own ‘Woolly Todgephant’. Not to be outdone and getting rather tired of dipping other peoples penis shavings into his soup, Edgar went back to work, bolting emu feathers to his brothers arms, plucking out all his hair and boring a thin hole in the top of his head creating what he labelled the worlds first ‘flying shaved vaginador’.
Utterly fed up of the brothers antics, the major of the town Klaus Bonk banished the two surgeons into the mountains, defying them ever to return.
What happened to the brothers over the next few years is a bit of a mystery but one thing is that known is that their combined remains were uncovered in 1942 by the Nazis but were dismissed as one of Reverend Hesston Cambridge’s crazy dinosaur inventions, and burnt.
Their story still continues to this day in folklore however, with the elders of the district telling their grandchildren that if they behave badly and they listen very carefully, they can still hear the noise of the vaginador swooping over the mountains looking for new material for its streamers.
As a result, children rarely misbehave in Munich these days.