Conkers is a game involving the common Horse-chestnut seed. The game was originally played with snails and its name is derived from the French for shell, Conque. The Norman Conquest was not an invasion but actually the Norman Conque Quest. The French were over for the day on a marketing trip, trying to introduce the British public to snails as a culinary delicacy. Harold thought that William had called him a Conque, but William was simply offering him a snail, and it all kicked off. The Royal scribe Sir Basil of Bic recorded the conversation thus:
William The Conker (heavy French accent): You for a Conque?
King Harold(heavy Birmingham accent): I’m a fooking what? Stitch that pigeon eater!
Harold was killed by a lucky arrow shot in the eye, and the French, not used to winning wars, went a bit mental. One particular demented loon decided to string a snail to a bowstring as a symbol of victory. Then he noticed that if you smashed the snail it looked a bit like a gouged eye in its socket. And conkers was created. Gruesome you may think, but war is ugly.
Like Hopscotch, Conkers is gender specific. If a girl attempts to play conkers she is immediately converted to a boy. This is where homosexuals come from.
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