31 PASTIMES/SPORT/CHILDREN'S PLAYGROUNDS

Despite recent attempts to make these places safe by using brightly coloured paint and comical cartoon pictures, children’s playgrounds remain an extreme sport heaven. Even the addition of sponge flooring has increased the element of danger. During the 2001 Ultimate Seesaw final, the 36 year old Swede, Jensen Johnson was able to set a new world record by the ingenious use of the double bounce granulated rubber mat technique. His opponent, the World Champion 34 year old German Jurgen Pretzelmeister, was catapulted an extra 3 feet, hit the monkey bars with his neck, fractured his scapula, and was forced to retire from the competition. With Pretzelmeister out, the free style ‘wobbly spring car’ title was up for grabs and rank outsiders, the Japanese, won the synchronised ‘Swing Jump and Knee Burn’ gold medal. ‘Peak Playground 2009’ is due to see the revolutionary inclusion of ‘Don’t
Step on the Cracks or You will be Eaten by the Horrible Monsters’. The favourite for this highly intricate event is 43-year-old Susan Sumppump, a particularly paranoid housewife from Salem Massachusetts. Susan was the only surviving witness to the 1984 ‘'Hop-scotch Death-Drop' incident in Aberdeen. (See 7 PASTIMES/SPORT/HOPSCOTCH)