43 SCIENCE/UNITS OF MEASUREMENT/INCHES

The inch is a thinly used imperial unit of measurement, used to scale only three things known to man; vinyl based music recordings, rainfall and penises. It was widely thought by the world’s foremost science scholars and metaphysicists that the inch would disappear completely once the sun slowly supernovas and scorches the earth to a crisp, digital downloading takes over the music industry and someone invents the metric cock. However, a ancient secret pact was made by Peter Pleater, a 14th century window-blind salesmen from Olde York town to the sacred master of the Inch that he would create a sect which would never allow the use of the Inch to deprecate. This sect, he promised, would pass down through his family forever, thus creating an infinite future for the measurement unit. In return for this commitment, he would be given the secret of how to create the pull mechanism on a Venetian blind. In a moment of genius, Pleater came up with a way of securing this pact without the risk of passing the secret verbally down through his family, and by simply training his children into two separate employment paths. At the last census, every one of Pleaters 18793 descendants now work as stubborn market stall holders or interracial porn website designers. The Inch will be safe forever.