Men should be excluded from dinner parties. They don’t like them. Judy Chicago, the feminist artist, had the right idea to just invite women. She got very close to the perfect dinner party with the triangular table and 39 guests. If she replaced Amazon with Jordan, Eleanor of Aquitaine with Vivien of Emmerdale and Emily Dickinson with David Dickinson, then she’d have a beauty. David would be fine, he could hold his own, exchanging make up tips, and talking antiques with the Primordial Goddess. He’d like that.
All women make excellent dinner party guests. If you are male and want to be a good invitee discuss sex, religion and politics. Drink lots and swear. Only use the C word at the end though, preferably as you fumble for your car keys and drop them down the drain. This will guarantee you a revisit because everyone likes a social sacrificial anode. A good guest never talks about soft furnishings, uses the correct cutlery or flushes the loo. Always wear light coloured trousers and a blue shirt, these display stains to full effect. Always draw attention to the groin stains and never try and blame an over zealous tap. Take credit for any bad smells. Complement the cook on a fine meal by falling asleep behind a sofa. Never apologise.
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