32 CONSPICUOUS SPENDING/JEWELRY/EXPENSIVE WATCHES

There is a clock on almost everything; Mobile phones, shops, iPods, computers, televisions, street corners. Like rats and London, it is impossible to be more than 4 foot away from a clock. So watches should be a redundant item. But business is booming. Fuelled mainly by men practicing for a mid-life crisis. As cars become ever more homogenised, watches are becoming the penis extension of choice. There is little difference in performance between a Ferrari and a child’s pedal car when stuck in a traffic jam, but vast differences in watches.
Last bank holiday Monday, 20 Glamour Girls, 14 trophy-wives, 3 super models and a toy boy of a Greek shipping magnet changed vehicles in the car park that was the M25. Colin Crabtree sitting in his hand-me-down Morris Minor, was very surprised to see Claudia Schiffer climb into the front passenger seat. She had mistaken his Timex Indiglo, 30m water resistant digital watch for a 1999 Gianni Vive Sulman. She didn’t realise her mistake until the South Mimms service area, but by then she was so captivated by Colin’s knowledge of the 2nd World War that she never let on.
As a rough guide: a Gianni Vive Sulman will get a Schiffer, Rolex bling a Naomi Campbell and shouting ‘One freckle past hair’ a Kate Moss.