52 SOCIAL EVENTS/GATHERINGS/BLACK TIE DINNER DANCE

If you are a white male over the age of 24 you should not attempt to dance, you will look ridiculous. An exception can be made if you try the following:
Early Evening: The dance floor is empty. There is a run up of at least 30 feet (open doors if not available). You are wearing your Dad’s 1970’s white DJ, hipsters with flares. Slide into the middle of the floor on the knees, pirouetting slowly. Pop up onto toes, flick imaginary dandruff off the shoulders and moonwalk back to your seat. It is worth getting your trousers reinforced with Kevlar knee pads, this reduces the run up needed or gives an extra 2 feet to the slide.
Middle Evening: The dance floor is full. Get the guests in a large circle and make them clap. Dive head first into the floor and do the caterpillar for 30seconds.Back flip on to toes, dust the shoulders, and moonwalk back to the clapping throng. When no one else volunteers to demonstrate a move, robot dance around the perimeter.
End of Evening: As the couples smooch to the Foreigner classic ‘I Want to Know What Love Is’, stand on the side nodding your head to the beat. Introduce your set with some gentle Toprock, a couple of preliminary breaking steps and gentle body popping. When the ballad reaches the line ‘In my life there has been heartache and pain’, drop into the downrock classic, the one-handed pike freeze, preferably left handed as this sets you up nicely for the Windmill power move, ending on the head spin as the chorus kicks in. Time your set for one minute 30 seconds, finishing off with a suicide move of your choice. Spend the rest of the love song challenging the couples into your battle. When there are no takers, strut back to your table with the knowledge that you own them all.