Quarterback instead of thrower, quarter instead of coin, haff instead of half, Americans have deep issues with fractions. Americans will say ‘haff a haff a hundred’ if they mean 25, and ‘quarter haff a hundred’ if they mean 12.5. It can get all rather confusing. Americans are the only nation in the world able to order a coffee from a coffee shop Bastardista; this is due to excessive use of fractions and the fact the Bastardista instinctively knows not to provoke these Masters of the Oblique.
American: I’d like a haff a haff a hundred fluid ounces of double decaf, half mocha, eighth double semi skim yaks, over rye, demi java, with sprinkles.
Bastardista: Yes Sir!
As it is impossible for a Bastardista to lose face in any coffee related negotiation, the American will end up with a cup of milky chicory and blame it on the ‘wadder’.
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