65 SKILLS/LINGUISTICS/BARTERING

The most skilled negotiator in the world was Susan Shostakovich. Experts agree that negotiation is a highly complex and valuable talent. Susan knew her art implicitly. She understood the many approaches; Advocate’s, Win/Win and Emotional Focus. She was a virtuoso in planning and preparation, setting the tone, exploring underlying needs, selecting, refining and crafting an agreement. Ms Shostakovich was a tactical genius that could deploy many techniques with devastating effect. Good Guy/Bad Guy, Limited authority, Deadlines, Caucusing, Walking out, Concession patterns, High balls, Low balls, Intimidation, Fait accompli, Rejection, Demands and Pre-conditions were her weapons of mass destruction. However, what really set Susan apart from the crowd was the use of her chronic lisp. From the very first introductions as Susan Shostakovich proudly lisped her name, making the 2004 Indian Ocean tsunami look like a slightly leaky tap, she would have the higher (and dryer) ground.
The opposition would be so disarmed, surprised and drenched that clear rational thought was impossible. They would usually spend the rest of the negotiations subtly wiping spectacles, brushing clothing and smoothing down hair, barely contributing to the dispute resolution. They would normally rapidly agree to the most outrageous demands just to get away from the spittle soaked negotiating table.
Unfortunately Susan met her nemesis in January 2005 when negotiating against Peter Fisher on behalf of Allied Seepage Inc. The process lasted a record breaking 7 days 13 hours and 4 minutes. Mr Fisher had a secret fetish, Watersports, and was really enjoying the shower. As a matter or pride Susan lisped on, oblivious to Peter’s dark passion. She died of dehydration. Peter Fisher died 2 weeks later of a broken heart, knowing that he would never again meet anyone who understood his needs more than Susan.