55 PASTIMES/IDIOCY/BUNGEE JUMPING

This rather ridiculous pastime originates in the deepest reaches of the African jungle, where pubescent boys are required to throw themselves hundreds of feet through razor-sharp tree branches while being barely attached to a rope made rather poorly from leaves and vines. This is to prove their manhood and allow them to choose the bride of their choice. Two words lads, go gay. However, at least this stupidity has some tradition attached; unlike the same process being played out by either ecstasy fuelled 18 year olds from Chorley in Aya Napa or fat girls losing all their loose change outside the Tache and Bishop in Norwich.
The most extreme bungee jump ever made was by 23-year-old Gavin Gorman from Stafford in 1995. Gavin, on holiday in Rhodes and high on crack tubes and Ealing head-mangers, decided that jumping was becoming predictable and rather dull and decided to try the feared house-bungee. Paying Barrett Homes an estimated £130,000, he stood still for 3 months while the builders built an entire replica of his East Midlands council house around him on the very edge of the highest cliff on the island, weaving a connecting rope through the insulation gap in the bricks and around his waste. On completion of the house and in front of a crowd of nearly 60,000, he ran full pelt at the kitchen wall, dislodging the foundations and tipping the whole structure over the edge. What he was unaware of, however, was that due to an oversight in the building plans, the rope foreman, Tommy Badger, had forgotten to attach the rope to the house and had instead stuck it through the letterbox at the last minute. As the rope tightened at the pinnacle of the descent, a moment which should have been Gorman’s glorious achievement, Gavin realised the problem exactly 30 milliseconds before his entire body was squeezed through the little brass slot. Barrett Homes refused to take responsibility saying the problem was general wear and tear and Gavin Gorman’s fly-covered fleshy monolith still hangs there as a constant reminder to others to never again attempt the dreaded house-bungee.