53 JOBS/SERVICE INDUSTRY/TAXI DRIVERS

Only tell a Taxi driver what you do for a living if you want to know how to do it better.
‘Brain surgeon eh guv? Well technically you mean a Neurosurgeon. OK here’s one for ya: Cerebral Aneurysm, restore the deteriorating respiration and reduce the intracranial pressure within the first 3 days. Instead of the usual catheter I find the straw from a 288ml Ribena Blackcurrant carton works a treat. Have that one on me.’
Like Bus drivers they are experts in the ‘Highway Cnut’. They also have special powers:
Cycle Vision: They can knock a cyclist flying just by looking at them.
Cloaking Device: Jedi mind trick over the police when doing illegal U-turns and other infractions of highway law. ‘This is not the Taxi you are looking for’.
Mighty Fare: Not satisfied that they are already 1000% more expensive than public transport, various ruses have been designed to add a further 500%. These include: the unexpected road works, time of day tariff, luggage tariff and person tariff. After all that they also expect a tip.
There is only one natural predator of the Taxi, the cycle courier. However, couriers are terrible hunters. Rarely hunting in packs the lunatic courier prefer suicide missions and at worst only manage to clog up the front grill with bits of bike and flesh. Couriers have only ever killed one taxi (see Wars/ Lucozade Wars/Kingsway Underpass Ambush). This explains the epidemic proportions of taxis, but doesn’t explain why they are never sodding available.