All people suffer from surprise nipple erections. Loose fitting shirts and the anatomical size of the male nipple inhibits its display, and is usually restricted to outings at garish Gay Pride Parades or butch building sites. The female nipple however is a different beast, and can be encouraged to grow to monstrous proportions. Women in tight fitting tops can look as if they are smuggling mint imperials or planning to crotchet a crafty jumper, a problem that can cause consternation to the owner. What is the correct way to deal with this; brazen or bashful? Brazen is always best; they are out, so what, they will get tired soon and have a little lie down, end of drama. However, this isn’t always easy to pull off, especially if lactating. So numerous devices have been invented to hide the embarrassment:
Cardigan Cover Up (CCU) – Right hand covers right nipple with right cardigan edge, body turns to shield left from familiar ‘nipple gaze’. This is done without looking down, allowing the gazer to be met with the ‘Pervert! I’m calling the Police’ stare as he looks up.
Crossed Arm, Ear Lobe Stroke – Left arm goes across chest to stroke right ear. This is used when the gazer is quite attractive and the CCU is deemed too militant. It sends out the signal ‘Thanks for the attention but I’m not a slut…yet’.
Spit and Shine – Pretend to spit on to fingertips and rub into nipples whilst winking suggestively. This technique should be used on only 2 occasions, 1) when desperate to pull or 2) during a period of excessive lactation, when it may be the lesser of two embarrassments.
Similar methods are used for the Lazy-On Conundrum, Camel-Toe Tout and Prince Albert Arrangements.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment